we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
