So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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