And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
