Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
