i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
