Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
