Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
