bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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