Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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