You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
