I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
