I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Randomize
