The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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