The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
