So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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