spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
