so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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