This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
