Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
