The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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