I wish I only lived at night.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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