you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
