This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize