Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
