Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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