I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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