im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
