I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
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I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
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Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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