My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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