My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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