where am i from again
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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