If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
