some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
