you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Randomize
