Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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