Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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