I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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