just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
