we have officially mastered the walk of shame
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
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The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
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Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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