I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
