Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
