yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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