I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
