Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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