Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
