so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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