Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
