I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
