Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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