is your mom at the bar?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She's the barista slut.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
