at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
