I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
