I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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