The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
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we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
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Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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