Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
