she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
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So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
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Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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