when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
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