Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
