Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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