why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
