bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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