Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
