i was born a porn star she said
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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