I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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