so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
