just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
