She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
