when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
