There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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