Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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