Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
