I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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