Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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