I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
