i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I love you. Go after that dick
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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