Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
only if we run a train.
done.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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