we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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